苦女流浪記

Title: Life in Antarctica Can be Very Boring.

Don’t be too jealous. Some scientists can check out chicks’ butts all day.

Two polar scientists, Victor Benno Meyer-Rochow and Jozsef Gal, were amazed by how fast and how far penguins can project their feces, so they started penguin poop research. The result was published in Polar Biology, one of the leading scientific journals covering research at the poles, and was titled: Pressures Produced When Penguins Pooh--Calculations on Avian Defaecation.

In the introduction of their paper, they claimed: Anyone who has watched a penguin fire a “shot” from its rear end must have wondered about the pressure the bird generates……

So I looked up a clip on YouTube and was truly stunned by the speed and power. The penguin jetted out white liquid horizontally on the rock wall and a little of it even splattered back. In that sense, the regulation that humans must not approach penguins closer than five meters is probably set up for protecting humans.

Compared to observing penguins poop from a distance, the calculation is not that difficult. The approximate pressures can be calculated if the scientists know the following three conditions: First, distance the feces travels before it hits the ground; Second, density and viscosity of the material; Third, the shape, aperture, and height above the ground of the cloaca.

Chinstrap and Adelie penguins were the two species that Meyer-Rochow and Gal observed. As they described in the paper, when a penguin wants to poop, in order to keep its nest clean, it leaves its stony nest, moving to the higher edge of it (about 20cm higher than the ground), standing up, turning its back nest-outward, bending forward, lifting its tail, and shooting.

The expelled material hits the ground about 40±12 cm away from cloaca, and it looks whitish or pinkish and up to 1 cm wide. The color depends on what the penguin ate: white if it ate fish; pinkish if it ate krill.

Penguin feces is semi-liquid goo whose viscosity is about that of olive oil. And the viscosity is the key to computing the pressure inside a penguin when it poops.

Imagine loading a water pistol with ketchup, to make the ketchup project as fast and as far as water, you would need to pull the trigger much harder, because ketchup is so much more viscous.

To calculate the pressure that a penguin produces when it poops, the two scientists came up with some approximations:

First, they assumed that penguin feces are like water—low viscosity. They calculated the pressure that a penguin would need to fire water, and then adjusted the viscosity to that of olive oil and calculated how much more pressure a penguin would need to project that. Second, they assumed that a penguin's cloaca is horizontal while firing. Third, they assumed that the shot takes only about half a second, so that they could avoid having to know the shape of the penguin’s anus while firing. (If the excretion takes longer, the shape of the anus might change and that would influence the pressure the penguin need to excrete.)

Under these approximations, the pressure required to shoot PENGUIN POO 40cm from a height of 20cm is around 34 mmHg. Further, if we take the viscosity into consideration, the pressure can be up to 77-450 mmHg, almost like the water pressure of an oral irrigator (60-500 mmHg).

Although the pressure is still far too little to make penguins fly again, the encouraging news is that this research has raised a lot of feedback from other fields.

A dinosaur expert wondered if the calculations could be applied in his research: can he track dinosaur nests by the fossils of feces or vice versa? Engineers for electric power lines in Africa expect the research can help them deal a power supply problem: power lines near vultures’ nests often short-circuit because of the vultures’ feces. Several zoo operators and bird-park rangers want to find out the "safe" distances for visitors to bird cages.

However, as the paper said, the research neglects some facts: it did not count in the wind fact that might play an important role in how far the feces travel. Plus, the scientists intentionally ignore that the anus shape might change during the firing.

To make up for these deficiencies, future researchers might need to observe in a hail of penguin poo. It will be an ordeal to see how much those poophysicists are willing to sacrifice for science.

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相關影片和原文報告

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qkz7tSbGDAM

http://flow.arrr.net/penguins.pdf

行前很多人問我說，一個人去約旦怕不怕？

我總是說：一個人，不怕，帶個美女比較怕。

後來我發現，一個人還真的滿怕，帶個美女一起，反而比較不怕。

在Caroline到開羅的前一天，我已經體會到被埃及男人死死盯著的感覺。認識我的人都知道，我不是自我感覺膨脹的那種人，不過真的能感受到大家對你行注目禮感覺（上回被這樣看，是在十幾年前因為浮淺意外，被迫穿泳衣戴蛙鏡走在大馬路上……）

不過自從Caroline來了以後，盡責地扮演了補蚊燈的角色，所有想搭訕、想拍照、想拉生意、想討老婆的，統統都會找上她。

埃及的蒼蠅多就算了，還很白目，不像台灣蒼蠅那樣揮一下就識相的飛走，而是會貼在身上、臉上、嘴上爬來爬去的。埃及的男人也差不多，趕也趕不完。（這部份應該請Caroline現身說法，我是覺得蒼蠅比較煩啦～～）

在開羅，一路聽到埃及人「噗ㄘ、噗ㄘ」叫我們過去，很難懂那是什麼狀況吧？去了就懂了。由於過馬路好比過殺戮戰場，連笨蛋都知道不用鳥紅綠燈，我們兩個從文明國家來的超級大笨蛋，常常卡在馬路那頭，這才知道什麼叫咫尺天涯。明明10公尺遠的地方，感覺像隔著紅海遙遙相望。

一次我們在香草大街，遇到了一個「好心人」，帶我們過馬路。用很流利的英文跟我們說 “This is the Egyptian way. Crazy！” 我心想，喔～你們自己也知道。然後他開始用力歡迎我們來到埃及，他有多愛埃及，講的比旅遊局的還要熱切。

絕大多數的時候，我對男人還挺警覺（當然馬有失蹄……汗）。當「好心人」力邀我們去參觀他開的香精公司，我們找了個理由，說有急事待會回來之類的，就趁亂逃走了。

後來每每經過香草大街，都會看到那個「好心人」在馬路旁左顧右盼，大概又在尋找另一個被困在馬路上的觀光客吧。

在Alexandria這個號稱比較文明的都市，情況並沒有好些（對Caroline來說）。只要我們駐足問路，埃及男人就會蜂擁來湊熱鬧，或胡亂搭訕：「Japanese? Korean?」完全沒有要幫忙的意思。

在某個傳統市場，我們又因為問路被團團包圍，我從人群中鑽出，拍了一張Caroline身陷人海驚慌失措的照片。人群散去後，Caroline咬牙問我：「你怎麼可以…就這樣丟下我一個人。」「我要拍照阿～」「喔～～」拍照第一，Caroline也很認命的沒跟我計較。

走在海岸大道也很精彩，先是有個高瘦埃及年輕人（長得頗帥），牽著一個三、四歲的小朋友，緩緩走到Caroline面前說：「What’s your name?」Caroline警覺地答：「Caroline.」帥哥說：「I think you are very beautiful.」Caroline僵著臉說了謝謝。

沒多久後，我們兩人在海堤旁遙望中秋月亮，Caroline不停哀號：「媽～～我好想你。」然後，三個埃及男人又圍過來，指著相機說：「Can we take picture with you？」

講的含糊，我們誤以為他們要幫我們拍照。因為聽太多埃及人幫觀光客拍照，然後索取高額小費的故事，我們很快的搖著頭說不用。三個男人沮喪的走了以後，我們才領悟原來他們是想跟Caroline合照。Caroline懊悔的說：「阿～～我為什麼那麼小氣！！拍個照有什麼了不起的。」

離開Alexandria，到了亞斯文之後，我們緊跟著澳洲背包客Ray走，裝成他兩個老婆，可以娶四個老婆的回教徒也不疑有他，從此之後便一路順遂（怎麼可能）。

離開Ray回開羅之後，我和Caroline又跟一開始一樣孤苦無依。兩個人在火車站等著埃及朋友菲利普來到，週邊的人又開始「噗ㄘ、噗ㄘ」的叫我們。我和Caroline擺出背靠背的美少女戰士陣仗，「這樣就不會被摸屁股了。」我們想。（當初天真的我們沒想到胸部被摸更悲慘的這件事。）

我還安慰Caroline：「埃及人只敢講講，不敢動手的拉。瞧！我們一路不也沒發生什麼大事嗎？」講完沒多久，晚上逛汗那卡利利市集時，陳X羽就被捏大腿、摸臉、拉頭髮。（為了保護當事人身份，不能寫全名）

而我呢～跟Caroline走一道，埃及人連瞄我一眼都懶。

果然，埃及人還是有點審美觀的。

回來快半年後再寫行前心得，其實已經不太準了。那時候到底有多恐慌，現在怎麼也記不起來。只記得到出發前三天，我的行程只排到「出開羅機場」，也就是等於沒排。

感謝麗堅借我行李箱，不然我大概要背歐巴桑購物袋行走天下。行李也是前兩天維倫幫我準備好，我到前一天連自己收進行李箱的能力都沒有。泡麵和餅乾就佔了行李箱的一大半，害我只好放棄維力炸醬麵，然後空間還是不夠，只好再放棄心蕾送的白蘭氏燕窩，然後又放棄電蚊燈，結果發現真是失策，我在埃及被蚊子咬慘了。

不過必備的東西，比方說洗澡的長柄刷、月見草油、去角質霜等當然還是怎樣都要塞進包包。當我們的澳洲旅伴Ray看到我裝保養品內容和生物耐米實驗室的瓶罐有得拼，說：「如果失火的話，我的行李箱一定會爆炸。」我想，當初在開羅機場被海關扣住大搜身，大概就是懷疑我是恐怖份子吧？

大致介紹一下行程：

10/2 ~10/22。前兩個禮拜在埃及，後一個禮拜在約旦。

因為班機問題，本來我兩個星期的埃及之旅，被迫延長為三個星期。Caroline也因為飛機的問題，會比我晚一天到開羅，然後比我早一個禮拜回台灣。

埃及通玉滿實在看不下去我們兩個擺爛，於是幫我們排了行程，不過也只排到第二個禮拜，把Caroline送回台灣後，我一個人到底何去何從？天知道。

十月一日，出發前一天行程大翻盤。到底為了什麼我也忘了，總之，我們心裡都明白，這趟埃及約旦之旅會順利就有鬼！現在回想起來，發現當初行程有沒有翻盤都沒差，反正幾乎沒照計畫走過，多印了好幾份的行程表，在頭三天就被我們丟到不知道哪裡去。

我們這樣的廢物二人組，還不是回來了（還胖了），所以，人的生存能力真的很強。

為什麼沒有照著進度走呢？

比較冠冕堂皇的理由是：絕大多數的背包客都有種共同點，不喜歡被計畫綁住。說來瀟灑，其實就是執行力不足。我也承認，不過後來發現有這種自知之明也不錯，以後直接省了做計畫的時間。

實際原因：就是沒種。Caroline來開羅前一天，我被埃及人嚇得在旅館窩了半天，晚上六點就逼著自己睡覺，然後開始抱怨為什麼大家不阻止我跑來這落後地方點點點。本來第一天要Check車票、行程、辦再入境簽證等等等三十件事，可是統統沒做。「Caroline罵我吧！！反正我是絕對不會踏出旅館一步的。」

誰說背包客一定要刻苦耐勞堅忍不拔精明幹練？

我們兩個還不是活著回來了？